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Quatre-Vingt-Quinze Pour Cent

A humorous translation from French to English

In 2001, my friend Delphine sent me the lyrics to a French song about the hard time men have in pleasing women. I decided to "translate" it into English using a method that tried for humor over accuracy.

Quatre-vingt-quinze pour cent

1/4 of a pint of quince wine for a penny .

1. La femme qui possède tout en elle
Pour donner le gout des fêtes charnelles
La femme qui suscite en nous tant de passion brutale,
La femme est avant tout sentimentale.
Main dans la main les longues promenades,
Les fleurs, les billets doux, le serenades,
Les crimes, les folies que pour ses beaux yeux l'on commet
La transportent, mais...
The woman had a copy of Elle magazine
to wear on her gout-toed feet to make them look charming.
The woman breathed heavily into our tent. It was brutal,
But she was completely sentimental about it.
But on the whole, the long walks,
the flowers, the tickets for two, the songs,
The criminals, the laughter of the beautiful youths who kept
commenting behind our backs. We gave them transportation alright, but...

R. Quatre-vingt-quinze fois sur cent,
la femme s'emmerde en baisant.
Refrain: 1/4 of a pint of quince wine for a penny,
the woman gets shit-faced drunk in the bath-tub.


Qu'elle le taise ou le confesse
C'est pas tous les jours qu'on lui deride les fesses.
Les pauvres bougres convaincus du contraire sont des cocus.
À l'heure de l'oeuvre de chair elle est souvent triste peuchere !
S'il n'entend le coeur qui bat, le corps non plus ne bronche pas.
The Elle magazine was full of crystal clear confessions
That passed the hours of the day with rented critiques of the children.
The middle-class pears conspired against the cous-cous.
At the hour of ovulation, she leaped from the chair and
spent a pleasant but short time with a peacock.
He didn't intend to beat her heart,
her body couldn't add to the Bronx Cheer.

2. Sauf quand elle aime un homme avec tendresse,
Toujours sensible alors ? ses caresses,
Toujours bien disposee, toujours encline ? s'emouvoir,
Elle s'emmerde sans s'en apercevoir.
Ou quand elle a des besoins tyranniques,
Qu'elle souffre de nymphomanie chronique,
C'est elle qui fait alors passer ?
ses adorateurs de fichus quarts d'heure.  
So, how many times had she, her best friend, a man, and a horse stable worker
spent every day sensibly groping each other? All of the stroking,
every day better spent than the last, every day sloped up hill?
She's immovable...
She's shit-faced drunk without an apprpopriate recepticle.
Where did all of the tyrranical drinks get drunk?
With who has this nympho suffered?
Is it a fate that is passing?
Her worshipping fans, every hour, they bring quarts of it, and potted Ficus Benjeminicus plants

R. 1/4 of a pint of quince wine for a penny,
the woman gets shit-faced drunk in the bath-tub.

3. Les «encore», les «c'est bon», les «continue»
Qu'elle crie pour simuler qu'elle monte aux nues,
C'est pure charite, les soupirs des anges ne sont
En general que de pieux menson(ges).
C'est ? seule fin que son partenaire
Se croie un amant extraordinaire,
Que le coq imbecile et pretentieux perche dessus ne soit pas déçu.  
The encore! "It is sweet to continue."
she cries while pouring similar drinks for those who are "dressed to the nines"
It is pure charity, those white-boy suckers who don't
Generally line-up when she is menstruating.
What is it? It's a fine line in which to meet a partner
that will cross your palm with an extraodinary amount of lines about how he is an imbecile,
on the pretense of not perching his disks into your interior decorating scheme.

R. 1/4 of a pint of quince wine for a penny,
the woman gets shit-faced drunk in the bath-tub.

4. J'entends aller bon train les commentaires
De ceux qui font des ch,teaux ? Cythère :
C'est parce que tu n'es qu'un malhabile, un maladroit,
Qu'elle conserve toujours son sang-froid.»
Peut-être, mais si les assauts vous pèsent
De ces petits m'as-tu-vu-quand-je-baise,
Mesdames, en vous laissant manger le plaisir sur le dos,
Chantez in peto...  
I listen to the good train of thought in the commentaries,
Checking which type-face was chosen. Ahh! A synthetic one.
It's part and parcell with you, and "Ma Bell" Speech sounds bad on the phone.
With who to preserve all of the days in a song? Froid!
"Put it down, and eat! but you're going to be sorry!"
Women! Your laziest manager would pleasure you twice,
if you would just chant his name in pesto.

1/4 of a pint of quince wine for a penny,
the woman gets shit-faced drunk in the bath-tub.

 

 

17 Mar 2007 The Threads are Coming Together!

 


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