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Newton (Newt) Love

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10 July 2007
Living The Big-Hearted Way

Laura McHale Holland wrote:
  Newt, you're one big-hearted guy.
  :o) Laura

I wish everyone could know what I know, that giving love and hope away increases their amount and potency.

Everyone laughs at the office sign that reads "The beatings will continue until morale improves," but then the bosses continue the application of unnecessary stress, and coworkers work the rumor mill, feeding the worst fears.

I cannot support that cycle of defeatism. It is not that I don't understand that the world doesn't always let events work out for the best. I do understand tragedy; I've lived through a few episodes of that series. More importantly, I also understand that it is easier to face trouble with friends and loved ones than without them.

When troubles start, a natural human tendency is to lash out, attacking those close to us, as if they were the source of the trouble, or part of the disappointment. Even if that is true, turning to tear down your support structure in the midst of the trouble is a sure way to increase the pain.

On teams I have been on, et cetera, when the internal bickering starts, I try to nip it in the bud. I try to help others see that though they are hurt, and wish to lash out, to strike back at the injustice, they are just making things worse. Focusing their blows on a fellow teammate or family member or other loved one may be convenient and release some emotional energy, but the resulting damage may be irreversible.

A horrible medical condition afflicting a loved one will always work itself out to some conclusion. Good or bad, that medical event should not be the source of the destruction of the family unit going through the event with the sick person. Sadly, it often is. Because of interpersonal damage inflicted during the throes of emotional agony, marriages have broken up and siblings have been ostracized, despite the sick person being healed or going into remission.

Seeing this happen around me as I grew up caused me to swear an oath of allegiance to hope. In the midst of struggles and despair, I endeavor to banish negative words and pejorative communications. That is the time to trowel-on the mortar of friendship, securing the loose bits of masonry in the mosaic of our interpersonal relationships. That is when we need to draw together against the external forces of disease and depravity that threaten our loved ones and our families.

Thank you for noticing my "big heart" as one of my strengths. I see it as my principal weapon against the forces of evil that would seek to sideline us in the great debate as to the outcome of the world. Love, friendship, and knowledge are the swords and lances that rend the satchel charges of hate, ignorance, and prejudice that are lobbed at us and society, to keep us from achieving our higher / highest potentials.

I cannot live another way. A life full of affirming love and support is a lot nicer than griping, nagging, and insult. Challenges to personal growth can be given in both styles. My personal experience is that more and lasting change occurs through love and nurture than through pain and negative motivational methods, although they can produce fast results.

The US Marine Corps boot camp methods taught me that much. Through pain and constant yelling, belittling, and insult, and rigidly disciplined control of everything, including body alimentary canal movements, the USMC methods transform children into efficient killing machines. The drawback is that almost everyone who passes through those methods winds up hating their trainers, even if a respectful acknowledgment of the results of the training is achieved. Becoming friends at a later date with one's former drill instructor often requires a period of adjustment before a friendship can start.

So, if folks want to use negativity-based methods to motivate people, they can get results, but often at the expense of hatred and animosity. If those methods are used in the midst of troubles, the destruction of family and friendships is almost assured.

I want nothing to do with negative methods on a personal level. I do not want to possess anything that I have to harm someone else to acquire. I love to share in the rewards of growing friendships and relationships that have weathered the storms of time and pestilence. Scars earned together are a badge of honor! Nothing can diminish the beauty of a loved one who has survived cancer, or Nazi prison camps, or abusive parents, or anything else that the world tries to ruin us with. Together, we will survive and thrive, because we have love, and hope for what love brings.

 

 

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3 Jun 2007 Reviewed by Liz!

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2 Jun 2007 I have to use this in a SF novel someday!

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1 Apr 2007 Quatre-Vingt-Quinze Pour Cent

17 Mar 2007 The threads are coming together!

 


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