Newton Jasper Love
The most famous person nobody has heard of.
Newt Love: Responses to Critics
5 Mar 2007
My funny bone twanged, and
I wrote a set of replies to critics
or reviewers who hate my book(s):
- I'm sorry. The sound of your mind closing distracted me from your comments.
- I guess we won't be discussing my book over drinks later then?
- Did you skip seeing your therapist this week?
- Do you have me confused with your ex-wife?
- Your review was witty, biting, and visceral, but was it about my book?
- I like your reviews. You don't use big words.
- Do you need soap and water to clean your glasses?
- Your prejudices must be such a help! You know what you think of a book before you've read it.
- Was it good for you, too?
- Anybody have any matches to light to clear the air?
- It's amazing how much you and my ex-wife agree. Are you dating her?
- It's a good thing you and I are such close friends, otherwise I might be offended.
- Did you forget that book reviews are supposed to be more than ad hominem remarks?
- Your review was so thorough, I canceled my annual proctologist's exam.
- It's nice to know that I can count on you when I need a kind word.
- I guess dating your sister is out.
- For your birthday, I'm getting you a new tongue sharpening stone.
- I thought your Tourette syndrome was under control.
Contents of this web site © 2001-2007 by Newt Love.
Photo of Newt Love by Nance Love. Ocean effects by Zachary Hock.
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